I thought for the blog before Christmas I would do a short interview with artist and author Nick Sproxton, who is based in Stratford upon Avon and self-published his first work earlier in the year. Yeah yeah yeah I hear you say, everyone’s doing it these days, but what caught my eye was Nick’s personally designed and hand-made Christmas cards. So Nick, how come?
For the last 50+ years I have been making my own Christmas cards. It is time-consuming to make more than a hundred, then to write in them all something personal and, I hope, interesting to the recipient.
So you don’t fancy going digital for Christmas? Although that may cause a few problems when wanting to display them..
It’s the personal element which I hold to be of the greatest importance which is why, despite the cost, I stick with the homemade and reject the digital. Sending a digital card can be a fairly thoughtless act. Furthermore, unless you want to incur the labour and cost of printing the card you receive, it lives, un (or under) appreciated, in your in-box.
That is very true, although I am guilty of sending a digital Birthday card recently. However, on this occasion an all-singing all-dancing purple cat licking a birthday cake seemed appropriate (when would it not be?!) But tell me about the picture you’ve designed – it’s certainly unique!
Not everyone will understand my take on Christmas; I’m a non-believer but not an atheist so my attitude engenders a range of imagery that has little to do with the Bible or Christianity. This year I decided to use the front over image of my novel The Girl And The Mutant but suitably enhanced with festive trappings.
I love it – it appealed to my artistic side (such as it is) and can only agree that homemade cards are a wonderful treat. I have kept several made many years ago by my own children and the pictures of wonky Rudolphs and cock-eyed Christmas trees bring a smile to my face every year. These days we still design our own family cards – thank goodness for the Meme. Where would we be without a forlorn cat gazing at a turkey or peering wild-eyed from the depths of a Christmas tree?
But back to your book and that natty cover. For those readers still in the dark about the title of Nick’s book, The Girl And The Mutant is a dystopian young adult/teen book, and I think that the cover (and now the card) would very much appeal to that age group.
I rather liked the idea that, even in the bizarre dystopian world I describe in the book, there might still be the urge to celebrate the end of the year and the beginning of the new.
And with such an engaging title, it would be mean if I weren’t to share the opening chapter right here, right now.
Over to you Nick…

                     ‘Sometimes when she felt exhausted or desperate she would try to recall the life she’d had before her captivity. It was her way of giving herself courage to survive. It was very difficult though because the memories seemed vague and hard to focus, as though she were looking at a landscape through rose-coloured, frosted glass. If she concentrated she imagined a beautiful life, with a mum and a dad who loved each other and their children; they lived in a cosy house with a garden full of gorgeous flowers. And yet, perhaps not everything was quite as perfect as she remembered. Didn’t her father often get drunk? Didn’t he slap her mother around and his children too if he felt like it. There were often food shortages so the garden was for vegetables, not flowers. Wages were low and there were few jobs. Her father was terrified of losing his. You have to do what you’re told and keep out of trouble, he would often say. You’re always being spied on. Everyone spies on everyone else. He too had to do it. Otherwise he’d be out on his ear.
               She had a brother, Jpeg, called Peg for short. He was three years younger. They were always quarrelling because he was a pain in the arse. But how she missed him now. The thought that she may never see her family again made her want to cry. Being beaten by her father was nothing to what she was suffering now. She tried to suppress her tears. It just set other girls off and made their situation worse. And they looked on her as tough and bossy, a character which she worked hard to maintain.
The day she had been snatched began like any other. They were having the usual chaotic breakfast; her mum harassed and trying to get them ready for school, their dad rushing around in a rage saying he would be late for work and trying to stuff a sandwich into his mouth while putting on his coat. Then they had run out of milk.
              ‘Pop round to the shop, Sim,’ her mother had said…’

Nick Sproxton is a self-taught artist who has had a regular summer exhibition in the Chapelle St Roch, Isigny sur Mer. He works mainly in acrylics and mixed media to create landscapes and abstracts. He also works on glass, one of his commissions being to paint a window in an historical house in France.

Today was Mardy’s last day. Yesterday she was showing unhealthy signs that today precipitated a one-way trip to the V. E. T.

Although still compos mentis and looking at me in the quizzical way hens do when they’re weighing up whether to peck you or not, I still had to lift her into the cardboard box and deliver her to her fate. She had been smote by something – only an autopsy would tell (and that wasn’t going to happen) and was unable to eat or drink or stand. Last night her sisters nestled close to her on the hen house floor to keep her warm, clucking and cooing gently as night fell. By sunrise I was fully expecting to be disposing of her feathery figure. I was surprised then, to see her still breathing this morning, but all was not well.  

Hens are interesting creatures, as Sam Hunt’s poem Hennosaurus explores – indeed they would eat your remains if they had the chance, (!) but they also know a good thing when they see it and very much like you alive and well to feed and fuss them. And oh – so nosey! Interest is immediately elevated should I start digging in the garden, and even a quick visit to the washing line to hang out some sheets brings them rushing toward me all wings and curiosity. Especially since The Spider Incident. Initially I thought that despite being exceptionally intelligent creatures they still hadn’t worked out that pegs are inedible. But it isn’t that – their memories are astonishing. Let me explain. Back in the summer I was hanging out some washing and let out a rather pathetic squeal when I picked up a peg and a spider crawled out from inside it. Being very Little Miss Muffat I dropped said peg instantly (it was a big spider, ok?!) and Mardy rushed forth. With her amazing eyesight she saw the spider and snaffled it up. So I think that’s why they get all excited when they see the washing basket – they remember the food that pegs can unexpectedly deliver. All of the hens that are currently trashing our garden without a horticultural care in the world are rescue hens, courtesy of The British Hen Welfare Trust. It was one of these rescue hens that inspired my story Betty Hen, which is included in my collection of short stories and inspired the picture on the cover.
I’m sure Mardy won’t mind if she ends up as a character in one of my stories – and although a right mardy madam from the word go – hence her name – she went quietly and peacefully. A poem for the lovely sparky Mardy:

Goodbye Mardy hen
Thank you for your eggs
I never realised
That spiders live in pegs

(I didn’t say it was going to be good)

Are you awash with so many blogs, comps and sites to see, but oh-so little time? Making the most of the benefits that Displacement Activity can bring, I’ve listed a few here – my first little round up of some great sites out there, in case you haven’t heard of them before.

What are you waiting for? Come on in. The water’s lovely!

https://electricliterature.com
‘Expanding the influence of literature in popular culture by fostering lively and innovative literary conversations’ is what is says on their website. And they do!

https://selfpublishingadvice.org/book-marketing-how-to-reach-young-readers-through-book-festivals/
For self-publishers of children’s and YA books here’s an item on Book Marketing: How to Reach Young Readers through Book Festivals, courtesy of those clever clogs at Self Publishing Advice Centre, via the Alliance of Independent Authors

https://falwriting.com/new-blog/2017/11/3/portrait-of-the-academic-as-a-student-danielle-barrios-oneill
45 Things I Wish I Knew as an English Undergraduate. This is a great blog and should bring a smile to your face

https://writershq.co.uk/list-free-writing-competitions-enter-end-2017/
Some free-to-enter comps here from the crazy Let’s Do This Thang team at Writers HQ, so you can Aim High and Achieve.

http://www.scottishbooktrust.com/reading/book-lists/16-scottish-murder-mysteries
Like crime? The Scottish Book Trust have got some murderous villains all waiting to be set free

https://riggwelterpress.wordpress.com/about/
Rigg what? Exactly. You’d be daft not to submit.

https://thegullmagazine.wordpress.com/contact/
The Gull accepts submissions of poetry, creative prose, artwork, photography and articles as well has having some truly excellent words of the day on Twitter. Or is that Word of the Day…

https://www.theshortstory.co.uk/the-short-story-home/about/
The Short Story website. Clue is in the title.

https://flashfictionmagazine.com/blog/books/
How flashy is your flash?

https://spelkfiction.com
Spelk post three 500 word stories a week, from both new and established writers, from the UK and overseas. They like short sharp flash fiction.

http://www.talesfromgower.co.uk/327566841
Jill Moffat’s great site, full of info and stories, and she’s also a dedicated re-tweeter of Fabulous Opportunities For Writers. Thanks Jill!

and last but not least for this little lot,

https://zeroflash.org
They’re a lovely lot at Zeroflash: supportive, helpful and good at getting it out there.
‘ZF is a flash fiction competition and magazine. The winner receives an illustration of their winning piece, a hefty £10 via Paypal, an interview with Uprising Review and an audio performance and recording of their piece.’

How cool is that!

This year’s impossible-to-find Christmas indulgence has to be static outdoor plug-in timer-controlled fairy lights. Now, you could argue that because fairies themselves don’t exist I shouldn’t be surprised that I can’t actually find any Fairy Lights.

But there are boxes and boxes and tubs and rolls of fairy lights in the shops – but all annoyingly Multifunction, or Electrically Nuts as they were described to me recently. Ok, so let’s go with ‘multifunction’ – why 8? Why 8 functions? How many do we need to choose from? On, Flash, FlashyFlashFlash, FlashyFlashyDim should do, surely? But 8?! Before this turns into a pre-Christmas rant that could end with a parsnip and some stuffing placed where it shouldn’t, let me explain. My hunt started in August, an idle thought that whispered in my ear as I was sitting in the sun one summer evening after – clearly – too much chilled vino de blanco. Outdoor static lights I can plug in to a timer, I thought, how hard can it be to find those? And so here we are with December 25^th edging ever nearer and I am no closer to finding a simple set of lights that isn’t out to blind me or trigger a headache. Unlike my white wine, which was Chilled White, my hunt involved not only static lights, but Warm White lights – something else it seems impossible to find. Ultra Bright Burn Your Eyeballs Out White lights, sure, zillions of ‘em. But something softer on the eye? Try an eye patch.

But then, Lo! Like you know who seeing a star (not a flashing one, nor an ultra bright white one) I found a website which purported to sell the required outdoor, plug in, timer-controlled, warm white, static fairy lights. Joy! I made my selection but decided to check the Description box first. 8m of Ultra White Multifunction Lights it stated. Hmmm. That’s not how they were advertised. And then up popped the little box: Live Chat.
Well, I thought, I think I just might…
You are typing…Hi, can you confirm if the warm white static lights on your site really are warm and static, and not multifunction as stated in the description for the static lights please?
Boris is typing…Hi What lights were you interested in?
You are typing…the static ones…(and it’s are, not were)(didn’t say that of course. Perhaps I should have)
Boris is typing...yes there static
You are typing…(y apostrophe r e) (grrr) but in the description it states multifunction. And ultra bright.
Boris is typing…hold on.. I’ll check
(long pause)
You are typing…hello?
Boris is typing…Yes the description for the ultra bright multifunction is the same for the warm white static
(pause)
You are typing…why?
(pause)
Boris is typing…we have to put all the descriptions on the site
(pause)
You are typing…er… what?
Boris is typing…If you clicked warm white static then thats what you’d get
You are typing…(grrrr..) But how do I know that if I chose one thing and the description for it states something else, that I’d get the right thing?
Boris is typing…We’ve got them in red and blue to
You are typing...(Grrrr…too, not to) OK! Thanks for your help. Bye.

Ok. Enough. I’ll try the shops I thought. So I tried the shops. And again was baffled by the current fashion for multifunction lights. The trouble is, when plugged into a socket and timer, as soon as the plugged-in timer clicks in, the 8 Million Multifunction outdoor lights revert to the first function, which is I think called Panic Party. Or Party Panic. Either way it frightens the owls and gives me a migraine.

Last week I was in the company of a Swedish lady and she had some unusual gold S-shaped ‘things’ resting on the top of an internal doorframe. Candle holders, she explained. For the Christmas tree. “You use lit candles in your Christmas tree?!” I asked, astounded. “Oh yes! It’s very Swedish! We balance the top bit around a branch and place a thin candle in the tiny dish, light it, and all stand back and clap.”

As the whole thing goes up in flames, presumably. Mind you, I can see the appeal…