Only in the countryside, eh? Thankfully, the avian driver of the vehicle wasn’t fined by an officer of Her Majesty’s finest for allowing her passengers to travel without a seat belt, nor did she incur a fine herself  for travelling without one.
Goodness knows how – or indeed if – she reached the pedals, or managed to change gear with those flappy, feathery wings. It was a good job she wasn’t breathalysed, although if she had been, instructions to Keep Blowing Keep Blowing Keep Blowing! may have thrown up a few Beak-to-Breathalyser issues.

So how did this sparky little madam end up in the back of a Landy? How indeed. I could say she was being filmed for BBC’s Countryfile. I could say she was being busted from a chicken farm and being taken to safety. I could say that I found her wandering around willy-nilly on the side of the road (that does happen round these parts). Or I could say she was being taken for a day out. Choice is yours; you decide. Whatever the reason, rest assured she will be appearing in my next  series of short stories, A Collection of Unexpected Short Stories.

Here’s a taster. Appropriate, really, considering the temperature today!

WINTER

She puffs out her chest as the north wind buffets her small body and ruffles the delicate feathers tasked with protecting her from the chill of winter. Perched amid a leafless web of spiky hawthorn branches the sparrow finds little shelter from the icy confetti that falls silently and steadily around her, yet she is content to wait. A trudge of foot, a gentle call and a sweeping hand knocks snow from the bird-table and it falls a second time, a mini avalanche of ice dust to land on the snow below. Crumbs of fatty nuts and bread are hastily scattered across the snow-dusted table and then she is alone once more. With darting swiftness she takes flight and lands amid the food, a rich brown berry on the pure white snow. Hungrily she gathers what she can. To make it through this darkest of seasons she must eat every day, the scales of sustenance holding her struggle so stay alive precariously in the balance until the earth tips Springward again. She eats quickly before her banquet disappears beneath fresh snowfall.

            Other birds, with empty stomachs and keen eyes are also looking for food. On soundless wings a sparrow hawk descends – because she too, must eat.

One of the great things it has to be said about self-publishing is that you get to meet lots of new and inspiring authors. All those writers, myself included, who would sit in glorious isolation bashing away at our keyboards whenever we got the chance can now get our selves out there and meet up with other like-minded people and suddenly it’s not such a lonely profession after all. It’s very reassuring to hear of others’ highs and lows, of how they came to create the characters they did, how long it took them to reach that final edit, why they chose the cover they did – and one of the best ways to do all this is to mix and mingle at a book launch. But why launch a book, I hear you ask? Isn’t it enough just to get it all together and press print? Er, no. Your Book Launch is a good indication that you take your work seriously – and in public. You have to be prepared to answer questions, to know what you’re talking about and to engage your readers enough for them to want to buy your book by the barrowload.

Last week I was at  Warwick Books in central Warwick for the launch of Elizabeth M Cox’s book
Tragedy at Bawley Bay, a 19^th century mystery with many twists and turns. Author Elizabeth M Cox gave a thorough and detailed explanation of her reasons for writing the book in the first place, and of her research into 19^th century Gravesend. After she read an excerpt, a trickle of questions soon turned into a flood as the audience warmed to the idea that you could grill the author to within an inch of their grammatical structure, with diverse and enlightening questions. Once armed with this new insight into the creation of the characters, exposition and research, the book came alive – far more so than just reading the blurb on the back page. Book your venue, invite your audience, prepare your presentation and away you go.Information gleaned from such an enjoyable evening as that had last week and that I would like to pass on, is this:

My Five Point Plan For Writing and Selling A Book:
1 Write It 
2 Choose a good cover/cover designer
3 Get your book proof and copy read
4 Re-write your book (repeat 3 & 4 above several times)
5 Make like a ship and launch it

…dawned bright and clear and sunny. There was an autumnal nip in the air, and the sun reflected off the calm waters of Fowey harbour. No, no porpoises. Traitors. After a hearty breakfast of deliciousness which included freshly baked bread – yes that’s right – freshly baked bread aboard a boat!! – we set off toward Falmouth, intending to drop anchor in Carrick Roads. Don’t be mad, I hear you say, you can’t drop an anchor in a road. But the stretch of water east of Falmouth harbour is called just that – Carrick Roads. Luckily for us there is superb pub there too – who’d have thought – called the Pandora Inn and is described as a creekside inn. Creek is not a word used so much these days, let alone appendaged to the word ‘side’. Creekside. Got 13^th century written all over it, hasn’t it.

Technically, as far as addresses go, the Pandora Inn nestles on the side of Restronguet Creek, which is not a word you should try repeating after several pints of Cornish ale. There is a pontoon that stretches out from the front of the pub, enabling yachts to sail up and tie up, so allowing the crew to step straight off their vessel and walk along the boards straight into the pub. Being such a large vessel, we were moored a rib-ride away and once again the skipper James took us — well – not even ashore – took us to the pontoon where we too scrambled onto it and then into the pub. Indeed, there are worse ways to spend a sunny Thursday evening.

As dusk fell we returned to the Eda Frandsen and as we approached across the water the rich smell of curry and naan breads welcomed us. Yes, super-chef Chloe had been up to her tricks again and an enormous, last supper feast awaited us.

Bang went the diet for a sixth day.

That evening we all packed in preparation for disembarking the following morning. Clothes that had arrived damp had stayed damp, absorbing a faintly salty and diesely smell which was quite attractive in its own way: it meant we’d done something, been somewhere, had an adventure. No Lavender and Ylang Ylang Blossoms on our clothes, no sirree. Email addresses were swapped, promises of sending on photos were made – it seemed it was true. The adventure was over.

Friday morning. Dawn. The sound of the anchor being winched up was our alarm call. Feet on deck above us signaled activity: Charlotte was topping, tailing, steaming, stretching, pulling, heaving, and any other ‘ing’ you can think of; we were set for Falmouth Harbour.

It felt odd to be back in our land clothes. Jeans, boots, pink coat – all so very out of place. I didn’t feel dressed without my Gill jacket and three pairs of trousers. I’d got used to clumping about the deck in my sailing boots. I was even growing to like the thick oily mat of hair that swamped my skull. Hairbrushes, clearly, are for wimps. We moored just off shore and stood about in a quiet group, not wanting to be the first to climb in to the little orange rib and be taken back to land. To the rest of the world. It was almost getting to the point of choosing straws except we didn’t have any straws. Hugs, kisses, goodbyes; I like to think of them as Hugs, Kisses, See You Agains.

To James, Chloe and Charlotte. Thank you.
Don’t forget to pack your bottle of travelling champagne. Always.

 

Finally, as was expected, by Wednesday the sun had done a runner and left us with grey drizzle punctuated by occasional heavy spots of rain. The Helford River was beautiful though in the early morning light, the tops of the trees that abounded each shore just tipped with low mist, like a veil. Despite being quite mild I knew that once we were out at sea we’d be feeling the cold. So I donned two pairs of leggings and a pair of waterproof trousers, a thermal top, a t shirt, a fleece, another fleece, a fleecy balaclava (didn’t look mad at all) my sailing jacket and a life jacket and my new shiny sailing boots and I was ready to go. Feeling a bit like the Ghostbusters Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (ironic really – he was dressed in a sailor suit) I clambered on deck to join my shipmates; as the mist and fog rolled swiftly across the ocean toward us, the Eda Frandsen made her way down the Helford river to the sea.

Remember all those lovely pictures in brochures or on the internet of blue sea and blue sky, of bright sunshine and cheeky sea creatures photo-bombing whenever they could? Forget it. Wednesday wasn’t like any of that. We didn’t see the porpoises for one thing. We didn’t see much at all, as, like a scene from John Carpenter’s The Fog, the real fog chased and swallowed us up, spitting us out again and then swamping the mainland, so all we could see and feel was cold wet misery for ten hours, and at 45 degrees. And that wasn’t the temperature, land lubbers, it was the angle. Yes, the boat was heeled over at a rather jaunty angle for the entire journey and I felt a bit like a mountain goat when we finally reached our destination. 

Earlier in the voyage, a plumbing problem with a return valve had been identified by James which had resulted in him having to suck up a mouthful of mucky water and a wear a strange expression until he was able to spit overboard. Whatever the problem had been, the men of the crew were delighted to be able to get their heads together to work it out, and had come close to cannibalising a spare motor and hitting things with hammers. I don’t know how the issue was resolved, but it was, and we were able to replenish the fresh water tanks when we reached the dramatic and beautiful Fowey .  At around 3pm, after taking down and packing away the soaking sails, we motored through the harbour entrance where everything was still and wet and grey and tranquil. The houses that sat on the cliff edges above the small harbour town looked like wedding cake sugar decorations; white and blue and pink and as if they would melt into the sea in the rain. As we disembarked, clambering on to the pontoon, James pointed out the harbour showers should we feel we needed to partake in some hot water and some suds. Seeing as we had been in a shower since about 8.30 that morning and were pretty wet anyway, it seemed pointless to waste good drinking time. So despite being damp and claggy and probably very much in need of a good wash, we chose instead to do a bit of shopping before ending up in the Galleon Inn.

After another magical supper created out of the air by Chloe, and entertained with sea-faring stories from Charlotte, bedtime rolled round very fast. There would be no star gazing tonight: by 9.32pm, every single one of us was ready for bed, aware that tomorrow was to be our last full day, and our exciting adventure was coming to an end.

The last day approaches…Pandora, nan breads and beer

Although not raining, Tuesday was a cooler day, which meant a bit of a breeze and warmer clothes – we were on a long sail. So long in fact, that we were to enjoy some night sailing. Or rather, sailing in the dark. Same thing really, as there were some giant ships loitering just off the Cornish coast, lights ablazing and engines running and it didn’t matter if it was 8 in the evening or 2 in the morning – they were still the sort of thing we wanted to stay away from.
We said our goodbyes to The Scillies, vowing to one day return whether by car plane or boat. Probably boat as there isn’t as yet, an Scilly Isles Chunnel – a Schunnel, if you will, and that is probably a very good thing.

Navigating around the top of Tresco and then down, heading south east, we sailed on toward Lands End, passing some beer.
No, wait. We passed this:
 not be confused with this:

The lighthouse is Wolf Rock Lighthouse, named after the rock it is built on – the rock believed to be so named due to the howling sound made by the wind as it blows through the crevasses and gullies in it. Fantastic! A howling sea wolf!  But howling or not – would you believe that this lighthouse, 8 nautical miles from Lands End and 18 nm east of St Mary’s, since being de-manned is now controlled from Essex.

And so on we sailed. Conversation was made, tea was drunk. Chloe’s delicious cake was eaten. Lots of cake was eaten. Lunch was eaten. More cake was consumed and all of a sudden, it was getting dark.

A strange hush came over the Eda Frandsen and all we could hear was the splishing and gentle splashing of the water as the bow broke through it. A sunset is always pretty cool; watching our nearest star plummeting over the horizon taking light and warmth with it is but the warm-up act to an inspiring night vista. As our eyes adjusted to the dark, we became aware of our port and starboard lights, how small we actually were – a tiny tiny dot in massive ocean. We were calm and peaceful, enjoying the movement of the boat and watching the lights ashore, the few we could see, sparkle out from blackening land mass.
Then a shout – a call to arms – the sound of splashing – had someone had the misfortune of falling over-board? No – they were back!! Such drama llamas, those porpoises. They came alongside us unannounced, then in front, then to the side again, this time so close we could, if we formed an orderly queue and held on tight, reach out to touch them. But we didn’t form an orderly queue of course, we ran around like cats chasing mice in a barn, dodging this way and that, following the creatures as they teased us with their brilliance. Having worked us all up into a frenzy they dipped below the surface and buggered off. And that was the last we saw of them.

By now the stars were also out, showing off. The sky above us was streaked once more with the Milky Way and it seemed as though time as standing still. Only the gentle glow from the navigation screen with its red blip marking us out indicated our whereabouts: other than that we could have been anywhere in the world.

As we approached the Helford River it was time to take the sails down. I liked this bit – so much easier! Guiding those ropes carefully, down came the sails and were stuffed immediately into their green sail bags, taking on the appearance of giant olives. James started the motor and we pottered up the Helford River in the dark. So Daphne du Maurier I can’t tell you!