Eggs Not Eyes

I’ve just been pickling eggs. No, stick with me. I don’t often pickle things, and when I do it’s usually cabbage-based, but a passing comment from a bloke in a pub who extolled You aint lived until you’ve ‘ad a pickled egg encouraged me to cast aside my usual underused gastronomic library and Do A Pickled Delia. Plopping them one by one into the vinegar was quite a rewarding experience. Firstly, there was the aroma. Nothing smells like egg. No, not even that. Only egg. Secondly, there was the faux-erotic feeling of the peel: still warm and plump but the damned shell stuck to everything in sight. Thirdly – and this is the best bit – dropping them with a plosh, followed by a slightly off-kilter bounce into the vinegar and watching them drop, float and turn slightly until they found their balance. Most rewarding. All very much liEggs Not Eyes.jpgke writing a successful short story or novel, I’d say.

Oh? You disagree? Fair doos. But look at it this way. That aroma. Nothing else smells like that aroma – so for aroma think Idea. Your best idea yet for a story. And this time, it’s unique. Secondly, the feeling you have when you begin to write; when you know that this time you’re in with a chance – a smooth, confident feeling as you peel away all your bad habits of misspelt words and sentences that in previous works would have been hung drawn and quartered by the Grammarfinder General. Then the next bit, dropping your words onto the page, to watch them – with the help of copy, paste and move – traverse the digital page until they find their right order and settle themselves down, only to stare back at you from most delicious structure a sentence could ever be in, culminating in block after block of compelling paragraphs anyone anywhere would want to read.

Or maybe your story will look like eyes in a jar: not what you expected. Somehow different to your intention. That’s not a bad thing. Go with it and see where it takes you.

Semi-Finalist!

Last week I discussed my discussion with a friend about the importance/point/necessity of entering writing competitions. Well, who’d have thought – my short story The Raven has been chosen as one of the finalists in The Squat Pen Rests Short Story competition. Not only did we all have to write brilliantly, to be crowned the over-all winner we have to perform our short story in front of a live and expectant audience. Yikes! This Friday, Jan 26th, myself and the other 5 finalists will be piling in to The Wyvern Theatre in Swindon to strut our stuff. Win or not win, (there are no losers!) it’s bound to be an amazing experience.

So if you’ve ever been in two minds about whether or not to enter a competition, what the point of entering is – please see above. I entered quite a few last year and got a bit fat no-where. Pleased now of course, that such abject, continual and unrelenting failure and rejection didn’t put me off. I like to think of Rejection as Rejuvenation, Failure as Fuel.

https://swindontheatres.co.uk/Online/tickets-the-squat-pen-rests-swindon-2018

Thanks to Stephen Tuffin for organising, and thanks to the excellent website ShortStops which is where I found the comp listed in the first place. It’s a great site and worth signing up to.

Squat pen?

Digging
by Seamus Heaney
 
Between my finger and my thumb  
The squat pen rests; snug as a gun.
 
Under my window, a clean rasping sound  
When the spade sinks into gravelly ground:  
My father, digging. I look down…

Every One’s A Winner

What’s the point of Writing Competitions? a newbie writer recently asked me. Ah, well, I began…
A few years ago I won a writing comp run by a well-known writers’ magazine and I was absolutely flabbergasted. Straight up. Had no confidence in the story, grammar was beyond dodgy (IMHO) and when I read it now I’m still not sure why it won. No matter how well you construct your story, as well as the judges’ decision being final, it is all **SPOILER ALERT** subjective. Yes folks, you heard it here first – subjection is the name of the game. (Along with rejection.) (But we can leave that miserable, life-sucking, soul destroying ‘tion’ for another day…)
So, Subjection: Based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions.
You’re not wrong there. As if getting the right story, the right word count, the correct format, the hook, the hanger and a hell-of-a-story all in the same place at the same time isn’t hard enough, we’re still hostage to the judge’s opinion, thought or taste. And when you’re up against that lot, how does anyone win anything?
How to.
A recently carefully crafted and painstakingly put-together story that didn’t win a competition sits awaiting another chance in a folder marked ‘Next Time’ (gotta be positive), but having read the one that did win (and its runner-up siblings) I’m at a bit of a loss. Really? I say to myself. Why did that one win? It’s a) not about anything b) not that well written c) not what the remit was at all! Frustrating! Since my win, (so long ago now I don’t think Instagram even existed at the time) I have tried to replicate that winning formula – which itself is a bit of conundrum as I wasn’t sure why it won in the first place. May be because it wasn’t the usual run-of-the-mill horror story. No blood or guts. Or ghosts or vampires. Just terror. Possibly. Who knows? I can’t answer that.
But as granny used to say, it’s not the winning that counts but the taking part. Now, the alphas of the species may not agree – no point in taking part if you’re not going to win they may say, so with that logic as there can only ever be one winner, keep on keeping on. Keep on trying. Keep on writing and entering; hone your craft and write better every time. And if you’re not sure that you are improving, ask for help. And start small; it can be a costly enterprise entering lots of competitions. And if you can find some free ones, even better. Even the ones without prizes are worth a go because it means you’ll be working your hardest to get it right. And for the big guns – the national writing competitions that offer more than just remuneration – do a bit of research on the judges. £10k first prize with a judge whose own books include a history of tanks and paintballing in the West Country probably won’t be that interested in a book about Billy Bunny Tail who got lost in a city and ended up stuck in the revolving doors of a large hedge fund bank. But then again, who knows? All so subjective you see…

The Squat Pen Rests writing comp
Reflex Fiction – international competition
Bath Short Story
Thresholds competition – free to enter and £500 1st prize!
Pen to Print poetry and short story competition
University of Sunderland – closes March 1st 2018
Weekly picture prompt c/o Creative Writing Ink UK
The BBC Short Story Award

Downloader or Paper-Flicker?

None of it is true of course…well… maybe the piling them high on the bedside table bit. Were you a downloader or paper-flicker this Christmas? I bought paperbacks and was given paperbacks and happily flicked my way through them as parsnips
Christmas Books.pngroasted; sadly my digital-loving friends had to make do with socks and hand cream again as tempted though I was to buy them a paperback, I knew they wouldn’t be inclined to read it. And you can’t really give a digital book, can you? So fiddly to wrap. I was surprised though, when admonished (quite severely!) by an elderly aunt for buying her a book. Whatever do I want that for? she questioned, brandishing her Kindle menacingly at me. I could be dead tomorrow she said, and then what? You’ll have to take it to the charity shop. I hope not, I responded, it would ruin Boxing Day. Thankfully the two pre-breakfast sherries sweetened that little joke and by the afternoon she had relinquished her vice-like grip on said Kindle and was poking about in the paperback. Not one for sentimentality though, she wondered how she’d ever managed to read anything before, seeing as this new fangled modern-day print is so small. I didn’t fancy entering the fray again so let that one go. You don’t get to be 92 without having an opinion, that’s for sure.

Vintage Swing

Another great poem by author Chloe Gilholy – an upbeat vibe to put a spring in your step! Super stuff, Chloe!

chloboshoka's avatarChlobo's writing

Order champagne showers
also known as liquid courage
besides the typewriter
with more rhythm
than teenage tunes
and Gameboy colours

Dance under a red chair
and twirling umbrellas
chill in the bathtub
put your cocktails down
by the tiger’s hips.

So put on your lampshades
and your Minnie mouse tights
Don’t blend in when you are
born to stand out!

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‘Twas The Blog Before Christmas

I thought for the blog before Christmas I would do a short interview with artist and author Nick Sproxton, who is based in Stratford upon Avon and self-published his first work earlier in the year. Yeah yeah yeah I hear you say, everyone’s doing it these days, but what caught my eye was Nick’s personally designed and hand-made Christmas cards. So Nick, how come?
For the last 50+ years I have been making my own Christmas cards. It is time-consuming to make more than a hundred, then to write in them all something personal and, I hope, interesting to the recipient.
So you don’t fancy going digital for Christmas? Although that may cause a few problems when wanting to display them..
It’s the personal element which I hold to be of the greatest importance which is why, despite the cost, I stick with the homemade and reject the digital. Sending a digital card can be a fairly thoughtless act. Furthermore, unless you want to incur the labour and cost of printing the card you receive, it lives, un (or under) appreciated, in your in-box.
That is very true, although I am guilty of sending a digital Birthday card recently. However, on this occasion an all-singing all-dancing purple cat licking a birthday cake seemed appropriate (when would it not be?!) But tell me about the picture you’ve designed – it’s certainly unique!
Nick Sproxton.jpgNot everyone will understand my take on Christmas; I’m a non-believer but not an atheist so my attitude engenders a range of imagery that has little to do with the Bible or Christianity. This year I decided to use the front over image of my novel The Girl And The Mutant but suitably enhanced with festive trappings.
I love it – it appealed to my artistic side (such as it is) and can only agree that homemade cards are a wonderful treat. I have kept several made many years ago by my own children and the pictures of wonky Rudolphs and cock-eyed Christmas trees bring a smile to my face every year. These days we still design our own family cards – thank goodness for the Meme. Where would we be without a forlorn cat gazing at a turkey or peering wild-eyed from the depths of a Christmas tree?
But back to your book and that natty cover. For those readers still in the dark about the title of Nick’s book, The Girl And The Mutant is a dystopian young adult/teen book, and I think that the cover (and now the card) would very much appeal to that age group.
I rather liked the idea that, even in the bizarre dystopian world I describe in the book, there might still be the urge to celebrate the end of the year and the beginning of the new.
And with such an engaging title, it would be mean if I weren’t to share the opening chapter right here, right now.
Over to you Nick…

                     ‘Sometimes when she felt exhausted or desperate she would try to recall the life she’d had before her captivity. It was her way of giving herself courage to survive. It was very difficult though because the memories seemed vague and hard to focus, as though she were looking at a landscape through rose-coloured, frosted glass. If she concentrated she imagined a beautiful life, with a mum and a dad who loved each other and their children; they lived in a cosy house with a garden full of gorgeous flowers. And yet, perhaps not everything was quite as perfect as she remembered. Didn’t her father often get drunk? Didn’t he slap her mother around and his children too if he felt like it. There were often food shortages so the garden was for vegetables, not flowers. Wages were low and there were few jobs. Her father was terrified of losing his. You have to do what you’re told and keep out of trouble, he would often say. You’re always being spied on. Everyone spies on everyone else. He too had to do it. Otherwise he’d be out on his ear.
               She had a brother, Jpeg, called Peg for short. He was three years younger. They were always quarrelling because he was a pain in the arse. But how she missed him now. The thought that she may never see her family again made her want to cry. Being beaten by her father was nothing to what she was suffering now. She tried to suppress her tears. It just set other girls off and made their situation worse. And they looked on her as tough and bossy, a character which she worked hard to maintain.
The day she had been snatched began like any other. They were having the usual chaotic breakfast; her mum harassed and trying to get them ready for school, their dad rushing around in a rage saying he would be late for work and trying to stuff a sandwich into his mouth while putting on his coat. Then they had run out of milk.
              ‘Pop round to the shop, Sim,’ her mother had said…’

Nick Sproxton is a self-taught artist who has had a regular summer exhibition in the Chapelle St Roch, Isigny sur Mer. He works mainly in acrylics and mixed media to create landscapes and abstracts. He also works on glass, one of his commissions being to paint a window in an historical house in France.